How to speak with your kids about mass violence and trauma

Cleo is here to support parents and caregivers as they work through their own and their family’s emotional needs. Parents may need support processing their feelings and talking to their children about recent events.

We recognize that, sadly, the epidemic of gun violence isn’t isolated to recent mass tragedies in Buffalo, NY and Uvalde, TX. In the U.S., guns are the leading cause of death for children. Many families live with grief, fear, and anxiety that is triggered in the wake of such events.

Cleo is here to support parents and caregivers as they work through their own and their family’s emotional needs. Parents may need support processing their feelings and talking to their children about what happened. Many different emotions come up for kids of all ages when they hear about such a tragic event.

The following are our suggestions for taking care of yourself and your children during trying times.

How do I process my own grief about this tragedy?

  • Find your community. Whether in your neighborhood, through school, work, or virtually, lean into your community and talk with those around you about how you feel and what you need. Sticking together during times of crisis can be a source of comfort for adults and children alike.
  • Take a moment. Take a deep breath. What are you feeling? Say that emotion out loud — “I am terrified, sad, angry, heartbroken,” etc. — and let it be.
  • Remember all emotions exist for a reason. When we can acknowledge and validate difficult emotions, instead of naming them ‘bad’ emotions and attempting to eradicate them, we can feel and witness our discomfort as important messages and as catalysts for soothing measures.

How do I help my children through this?

As hard as it is to discuss things like this with your kids, it is scarier for children if we pretend that events aren’t happening or if they are left to make sense of information on their own. In the long run, they will process this information better with your guidance and support.

  • Acknowledge what you feel. Reassure your child it’s not their fault if you yourself are feeling the need for some space. You can say, “I need to close my eyes to feel better for a few minutes before we chat.” For older children, you can both take a moment together.
  • Look for creative ways to take care of each other. In support of one another through the confusion and sadness, something as simple as a hug or making a warm meal together can feel comforting.
  • Think of ways that you can support those affected directly. Look for organizations to donate to to people affected by the tragedy, and share that experience with your children.
    Be honest and concrete. Use simple language that is developmentally-appropriate, and avoid watching the news with younger children so they’re not hearing too much detail or sensationalized versions of these events.
  • Focus on your child’s safety and security. Again, be honest, but offer real examples of how they are safe and can remain safe.
  • Expect an ongoing conversation. Kids process new and difficult concepts in a piecemeal fashion. They are likely to digest some information when you first talk, and then come back later to ask more questions.

Cleo members are encouraged to reach out to their Guides for support or to be connected with other resources.

In addition, the following organizations also offer guidance on how to talk with your children about school shootings and gun violence: